So, as you can probably tell by the title, right now I’m on 1000. I can’t put into words how much of an amazing day today has been. It just feels like testimony after testimony, and for that I’m eternally grateful. At times where it feels like no one is on our side, here comes God, waving his hands of wonders all over our lives. He is truly amazing.
I know I haven’t written in literally months, but there has been so much going on, and so much I need to fill you in on, which will come in time, but today, we’re talking WINS. I don’t ever take L’s (losses), however in the past few months especially, I’ve hit so many brick walls, and felt like I was fighting a losing battle on my own. I mean this whole blog started after I was told my daughter will never walk, and then days before that I was told to find new childcare for Zariah ‘cos they can’t cater to her need anymore. In just a number of days I was handed so much bad news, and felt myself sinking into a depression. On the back of the news from the nursery, I started looking for special schools for Zariah, and when I found the perfect one and thought things were looking up, I was shot back down and told they wouldn’t take her until next year (I will go into that in another blog). I got into a major back and forth battle with them, and it wasn’t pretty. Urgh. Well today, I signed papers for my daughter to be admitted to that same school, next week. Can I get a hallelujah? Amen? Praise God? Something? Honestly, excited is such an understatement. I fought for my baby and I won. I’m coming for the JUGULARRRRRRR of anyone who’s not tryna do right by my baby girl.
Aside from the amazing school news, which is the literal peak of my entire year after the battle we went through, I’ve got new blogs I’m working on, I started my FINAL year of university today, got good news from my first choice graduate scheme, and overall, things in my life are just starting to piece well together. I’m eternally grateful for everyone that’s been wishing Zariah well, and I’m looking forward to the next stage in this madness adventure. I know I have readers who also have special needs children, with some in areas that really don’t offer much for your children, so I will explain the whole school battle with the learning trust in another blog.
Thank you again for all the love and support, and as always, feel free to message me absolutely anything. I pray everyone else uses the rest of 2019 to take CONSTANT wins x
My baby is starting school!!!
Also, completely unrelated but as a Nigerian, I have to mention it. Happy Independence Day to the LOUDEST, MOST TALENTED, MOST POPULAR nation in Africa. Another good thing to add to my list of wins x
New New New. I’ma start acting brand new. It’s the middle of July and I feel brand new. It’s been a good couple of weeks, amazing in fact. I know it’s been ages since I’ve written, but there’s a few things to update on.
I’ll start with Zariah. She’s amazing. Suddenly, she’s talking for England. She’s always been bubbly, but recently, she’s come out of her shell so much, and it’s nice to see her becoming more vocal. We’re officially leaving the nursery too. Since we got the news that we’d have to start looking for new childcare provisions, things just felt strained at the nursery. We had a meeting about trying to get her to start a special school early, but in the meantime, I don’t want my daughter to stay somewhere where we just no longer feel welcome. It’s just not the same anymore. That is quite sad to say as she has been there since she was 4 months old, but the vibe isn’t the same anymore. At the meeting last week, it just seemed like the nursery are keeping her there out of obligation, not because of a genuine desire to have her around. Buttttt, this is about our new chapter. So today, I officially gave the nursery notice that Zariah was leaving. She will stay at the childminder that will have her when she starts the special school, as I want her to familiarise herself with the new setting before she starts school. We haven’t got a place there yet, but we’ve officially started the consultation process, so in a few months she will have a new school! For now though, we’ll settle for a new childminder part time, and more time with mummy :).
I finally have a new job! That works around my precious girl! That sounds so basic, but having a special needs child, with a nursery that’s no longer accommodating has been difficult to say the least. I’ve had really good jobs previously, and I would have loved to stay at my most recent role, but having a child with fluctuating health needs and studying at university whilst working a job on the other side of London really took it’s toll. I left that job and have just been doing odd bob jobs so far. I’m excited to start a role in a team that literally changes childrens’ lives everyday. I’m quite excited cos it’s in a hospital that Zariah is a patient in, and the department I’d be working in means I would meet parents of children with similar conditions to Zariah. It just excites me!!!
Speaking of similar conditions, let me jump on to the next topic real quick! I had an amazing weekend away with my boyfriend. This time last week we were on a train to Manchester with no cares in the world. It’s nice to have someone that I can completely be myself around, it’s something I’ve never had before. I’ve never had someone who wants to have little weekend getaways and do loads of stuff with me. It’s a lovely feeling to feel loved. But anywaayssssss, whilst I was in Manchester, I met someone with Cerebral Palsy! We just came out of mini golfing, (where I had won basically everything lol) and whilst we were waiting for an uber, I saw a boy and his dad waiting for a cab as well. I’ve seen other people with CP before, like I remember one time in a hospital appointment in London, I saw a dad and his son who was severely disabled, but the dad didn’t look approachable, and I didn’t want the man to think I was insensitive or just nosey. I saw the boy in his powered wheelchair and just ran over (a bit creepy I’ll admit), but I’ve never had the confidence to approach others, and to be honest, it just feels like everyone with CP is hiding, because I literally never see anyone. When I saw the boy (I didn’t get his name in all my excitement), I started asking all kind of questions about the wheelchair, when he got it, how he gets around, what he had before the powered one, and whatever else came to mind. It was such a short conversation, I explained that my daughter had CP, and the dad was so friendly, it was just really nice. It was an amazing way to end a good weekend. I know it sounds pretty normal, but when I tell you sometimes it’s depressing not knowing anyone with CP or having any parents to relate to. Like even as I’m writing this I’m grinning like a Chesire cat, which might sound creepy, but recently, I’ve had more confidence to approach other people with CP and just start a conversation. I saw another lady like 3 days later in a powered wheelchair whilst dropping my daughter to nursery and did it all over again. When I started this blog, I had never met anyone with CP or with children with CP and now they’re popping out everywhere. I love it!
On another note, I’ve also made new decisions for myself and my family. I have previously stated that I parent Zariah alone, but have tried on multiple occasions to try and keep my daughters father involved in her life. Even though I have always done everything without his support, I was so conscious of being called “a bitter baby mum”, or “spiteful” or one of those mothers that use their kids as pawns when the dad is actively trying, but no. No more of that matey. I don’t think that sounds exactly like good news, but personally, I’m quite happy. I mean in an ideal world, of course I would love Zariah to have her father involved and for her to have an active, amazing, responsible dad, but you cannot force anybody to do the right thing. My constant attempts to keep her dad involved just affected me negatively. I raise Zariah on my own, without his support, without his contributions, without his presence, and he would sing sweet songs of how much he wants to do for her and how he wants to be involved but never deliver. He would flake on appointments, be unreliable, be rude, and just live his life as if he doesn’t have any responsibilities… Urgh. I do an amazing job of raising my daughter, I don’t need the abuse, I don’t need the name calling, I don’t need the insults, I don’t need the digs. I literally don’t need it. He missed Zariah’s first surgery, all the important appointments, would decide not to turn up to things because he’s annoyed with me, and the list just goes on. Last week he told me I’m not okay in the head and “I need help”. This week he flaked on Zariah’s appointment, despite him having the equipment we needed to proceed with the appointment. Enough is enough. I’ve always listened to everyone’s advice, to keep him involved and keep trying, but if it’s getting to the point where he’s negatively affecting my mental health, my happiness, my daughters routine, stability, and home environment, it’s actually enough. Today was enough. So with that, I made the decision to continue alone. I have support from my family, from my amazing partner, from my friends, and from complete strangers who send messages of well wishes. I don’t see this as bad news. This coming week symbolises a new start for me and I am more than excited to tackle life head first. Life is just really looking up.
We’re only halfway through the year, and my outlook on life has changed so drastically. Things are really looking up, I’m all about self love, self progression and just having peace within yourself. I think my new outlook on life has positively affected my daughter too. She’s happier, she’s more confident, she’s becoming more independent (I can leave the room without her now lol), and she’s becoming wayyy more vocal. Everything is amazing right now and I thank God and couldn’t ask for anything more. It sometimes gets depressing, and with all the trials in the last few months, it’s easy to feel like you’ve been abandoned, but God never forgets you. He always had a plan.
Anyways, thank you all for reading, and as always, message if you EVER need a friend, whether you have CP or a CP baby or not. Much Love xxx
Listen, I had a great day today. Just felt like a win after a million losses. It was overdue.
I called this blog success, which it is, but I should really call it a half success. In fact it’s probably closer to a quarter success but who cares? The point is I found a school for Zariah! I mean for the past few weeks I’ve visited a load of children’s centres, a few special schools, called a million nurseries and spoken to pretty much every council in north and east London. It grew pretty frustrating pretty quick. Somehow I got sick of hearing constant no’s.
I went to view another special school today. The only thing I can say is that they were amazing. The space is massive, there’s loads of facilities, they have medical staff on site, a swimming pool, trampoline room, sensory room etc etc.. The list literally goes on. They had everything. There’s still a load of little “nigs” that need to be sorted out that’s why I called it a quarter success. It’s still a normal primary school in terms of academic calendars and stuff, so I’ll still need to find a childminder for after school hours and holidays. On the plus side, the area it’s in has loads more childminders to choose from than mine, so hopefully we can find a match. It’s not walking distance from my house, or even one bus distance, so I might not be able to drop her to and from school each morning, but I’ll make an effort to do it a few times a week at least, as I still want to be involved and meet other parents. On the other days, Zariah would use transport provided by the disability team.
I’m so excited to be honest. I mean it’s early days, and like I said, loads needs to be done before we get there, but it’s just nice that things are looking up. She can only start once she’s 3 which is in 6/7 months time, but it gives us time to plan, and I am one heck of a planner lol. Zariah loved the visit, I mean she pretty much loves everyone, but there was enough space for her to jump all over the place, so win win (by the way, my daughter can’t walk or stand independently, but if you hold her up she’ll walk/run/stamp/jump and by the looks on her face and her screeches and giggles, she’s having the time of her life). The day was just good to be honest.
I’m in positive spirits about everything at the moment. I mean, it’s ages away, and we would still need to try and arrange something with the nursery to allow her to stay until she turns 3, or maybe find the perfect childminder in the area of her (potential) new school, but I really am looking up.
Of course, when I told my daughter’s dad about the news all excited and sh*t, he found a way to turn it around into a pre-argument. God knows what about because he doesn’t show up to anything, which is why I never invite him anywhere anymore. It rained on my parade for a few minutes, but I was swiftly cheered up by my partner, and to be honest, a little blip can never take away from how good today was. I had been searching for weeks and getting every door shut in my face, so the relief I feel now is just amazing. I can’t wait to get the wheels in motion, and for once I’m really looking forward to our next steps regarding Zariah’s education.
I was going to upload a cute picture of Zariah today, because she looked gorgeous when I dressed her this morning. The weather was nice, Zariah was in good spirits, but like a rookie, I forgot to take pictures at the start of the day and just said I would take them when we got home. When I took Zariah out of the car though, she did her business all over the place. God knows what I fed her, (she’s on some medication that helps her release her bowels), but yoooo. She decorated the whole outfit, everywhere I touched there was doo doo. You ever felt like this is a whole mess, you just gotta throw the whole baby away? That was me this afternoon. It was horrendous, and babies don’t stay still long enough for you to clean them, and Zariah wiped her sh*t on my arms, my fingers, my jumper, her jumper, her vest, dress and all down her legs and back. She’s all giggling and I’m having an internal panic attack.
Anyways, long story short, no cute pictures today. Blame Zariah.
If anyone is from Hackney, East London, and knows any childminders, please give me a shout! We’re a quarter of the way through the school journey!
Thank you everyone for the messages of support, the recommendations for schools, activities, childcare options and everything else. Thank you for sharing, reading, commenting, and messaging. It means more than you can ever imagine. Thank you to my boyfriend and my family who are ALWAYS an ear when I need one. Thank you xxx